On the 15th July 2005 i found out i was pregnant, it came
as a great shock to us as we wasn't planning
and i had only just turned 19! me
and Matt had only been together a couple of months.
I told my mum and dad who wasnt very happy at first
but throughout they began to come round to the fact
I was having a baby.

I remember our 12 week scan and seeing our baby
for the first time it was magical. And i also
remember our 20 week scan very clearly too.
Matt and my brother Jack (Leah's uncle) came
with me and we were told we were having a girl.
We were so happy, we didnt mind either way though
what sex we was having. All our scans were perfect
and everything seemed just fine.
Matts mum (nanny pam) was over the moon
as she has 5 boys!!

I try and remember every kick but i cant really
remember what it feels like and now i wish i can.
My belly started growing and i was enjoying being
pregnant just hated being fat. I would happily
do it all over again to have our beautiful Leah
with us though. At my 38 week appointment i
was admitted to hospital as my blood pressure was high and
i also had protein in my urine. Once there
and waiting ages to get a bed i was strapped to a CTG
which monitors the babys heartbeat. My BP
was taken again and my urine was checked. They said
it was still high
and i had protein in my urine still so
i would be staying in over night.
It got to midnight and Matt went home. The doctor came
round about an hour later never checked me at all and sent
me home at 1:30am (she wrote on my notes 11:30pm) bearing
in mind i was 38 weeks pregnant!
I never questioned it though as i thought the doctor knows best.
I know now i will trust my own judgement in future.
I went back to the hospital on the following Tuesday and
Thursday to have my BP, urine and babys heartbeat checked.
They said everything was fine.
It was Tuesday 21st March the day before my due date
and i was round my friend Vickis (Leahs auntie) with my
other friend Lou and we was all having a nice day,
i noticed that my hands and feet were very swollen.
I put it down to me being very fat and
ready to give birth at anytime.
I remember Lou and Vicki kept touching my
belly as i thought I felt her moving but that obviously
wasn't the case must have just been an elbow sticking out.
I went home and cooked dinner etc.
It got to around 9pm and i started getting mild
contractions, they were coming regularly but they wasnt
too painful, my fiance Matt called the hospital who said to
have a bath and something to eat and chill out. It got to
about midnight when they were starting to hurt so my
mum came over and we went to the hospital around 1am all
excited thinking our baby was going to be here soon.
When we got to the hospital, the midwife
put a monitor on me but couldnt find a
heartbeat, they kept finding mine. I started to panic
at this point and the midwives were changing the
wires making sure it wasnt their machine.
I knew something wasnt right.


The last option was to scan me which they did, there
was 3 midwives and a doctor in at this point when
they told me, my mum and fiance the news we had
been dreading-that our beautiful baby girls heart
had stopped and she had died. I didnt cry I was just
in total shock and my contractions
wasnt even hurting me.
My mum turned round to me and said you do know
your going to have to give birth naturally-
I thought i would have a ceaserian-how wrong i was!
We called Matt's parents who came straight away and i told the
midwives i wanted to get on with it so they gave me a
hormone drip. At 5am they examined me and
I was only 1cm dilated so they
broke my waters which were stained and made me
think our baby girl must have been distressed.
My contractions began to get worse so i had gas
and air and also a shot of pethedine. As Leah had died
they also asked me if i wanted a morphine thing but i said no.
I started drifting in and out of sleep and it got to
10am and i decided the pain was too much so i asked
for an epidural which they gave me.
it took about half hour to take effect but only one side
of me was numb, by then i really felt the urge to push
and told the midwife to examine me as they
hadnt done it since they broke my waters. They
examined me and i was 9cm dilated. My mum went
out the room as she couldnt face it but matt and his
mum were there to give me support.
At 11:45am i started to push everything was going fine
then they told me to stop, the cord was wrapped
twice round Leah's neck and they had to cut it.
I carried on pushing and 15 mins later our
beautiful baby girl was born at midday.
That is when i cried.
I didnt cry once from when the doctors told us to the
time she was born. I was just
in total shock i think and completely numb.
I thought in my head ive gotta be
strong and get through this first bit.
The midwives took her away to bath and dress her
and I gave them some beautiful clothes
for her to wear,
they bought her in a moses basket and she was
absolutely perfect.
They weighed her and we was suprised that she
was only 5lb 12oz, I put on 4 stone being pregnant.

A while later my closest friends,
Vicki, Kylie, and Lou came
to the hospital and all Leah's uncles-
my brother Jack,
Matts brothers Tom, Ben and Scott,
Matts mum and dad, my mum and dad and my
mums best friend Jane and the hospital chaplin
came and blessed her.

We kept Leah with us until the evening
and said our goodbyes.
That was the hardest day i will ever have to face.

On the Friday before the funeral we went to see Leah at
the chapel of rest, she looked absolutely beautiful,
we bought her a tiny baby dress and hat from mothercare
for her to wear for the funeral. We stayed there all
afternoon. It was so hard knowing we would never
see her pretty face again That was the last time
we got to see our beautiful angel.

We held her funeral on Monday
10th April, we wanted all our friends and family to be
there to help us through the day and give us support.
There were so many flowers it was unreal.

We asked Mavis the hospital chaplin who blessed Leah to
hold the service which she kindly did. It was such a lovely service,
Matt bravely carried Leah into the chapel while
" All Things Bright and Beautiful" was playing,
Mavis said a few words and a prayer and my mums
friend Debbie read a couple of poems out.
We had Robbie Williams" Angels" played and also
Eva Cassidys Somewhere over the rainbow.
After the chapel we went to the burial plot,
we let off some balloons and watched them fly in to the sky.

We had Leah buried with her Uncle Gareth
who died when he was 12 hours old so i know
she is being well looked after.

We got the post mortem results back on the
5th May and were told that the placenta showed
abnormlities and thats all we found out. They said it
could have been caused by a number of things.
My blood tests didnt show anything either, but by
the way i looked im sure i had pre eclampsia.
I had all the symtoms.
I was so swollen and my blood pressure took weeks to stabilise.
Me and everyone that knows me are sure i was neglected
by the doctor and i should of stayed in hospital
when i was admitted at 38 weeks.
We could of taken it furthur but a case can take years
to resolve and i dont want to be reminded of it everyday.
My mum asked when we got the results- if i was induced
at 38 weeks when my blood pressure went through
the roof would Leah be with us today and the consultant said YES.

Its been 5 months since our angel got her wings
and we think about her every minute of the day.
I wish she was here so much to see her first smile.

Me and daddy miss you so much angel
and one day we will be together again
xxxx